welcome to square one

Well, I feel like lately I'm writing more and more about my single girl status and less and less about less important things like lipgloss, butting heads with classmates or jesse mccartney songs. I guess it's because when you reach a certain age, there are some topics that just keep popping up. So, since i'm sure noone wants to hear about trips to the gyno, I figure I'll write about something that fascinates everyone: relationships.

First, I want it to be said that I have some of the best relationships any girl could have. I have countless girlfriends who I can count on for everything from letting me sleep with them when I dont wanna sleep alone to holding my hair outside a Buckhead bar. I have friends I go to when I really need to laugh, I have friends I go to for advice, I have friends I go to when I want to confess that I've done something out of character (and I know that they've done worse, so they can tell me it's okay), I have friends I call when i want a drink, and I have friends I go to when I just want to cry and have them listen. I can't even begin to talk about the relationships I have with my family. The point is, my life isn't empty because of a lack of good relationships. i have great relationships. but, like Charlsie said, I dont have someone (other than my parents) who consider me to be their number one priority.

Ashlee and her boyfriend of 2 1/2 years broke up a couple of weeks ago. I got a phonecall informing me of the situation and within 30 minutes I was there with the wine and Brad Pitt movies. Isn't that what friends are for? I told her it was that 2 1/2 year itch. That's the point where you realize either you can't live without your significant other or you realize that you often find yourself fantasizing about what it would be like to be single. I'm glad I went through some trying times with guys because I'm able to give some really great advice to friends in this situation. She initiated the break up, but i've been in that situation before too, and it's still no walk in the park. I also warned her to never make the mistake I did and forget that she wanted to be single. It's really easy to forget that you wanted out when you see that the other person is able to move on so easily. You start thinking well maybe he is such a catch, maybe I can't do better, maybe he'll find someone and I'll end up all alone and, of course, maybe i just made a mistake wanting out. Those thoughts cost me a year of living in the past. I dont want her to make the same mistake. And I dont think she will, she's stronger than me. Whitney (having experienced the same situation) and I told her about the steps she'll probably go through...
1. instant sadness that the relationship is over. you dont have someone telling you they love you every night before bed, you dont have an assumed weekend date, and you dont have someone who's always on your side anymore.

2. excitedness. this is the emotion when you get over the sadness and realize that you can do what you want. you can go on that spring break trip without having to ask your boyfriend if it's okay that boys will be there too. you can go eat ice cream with an ex boyfriend, spend the day by yourself and not have to worry about checking in with anyone, and you can experience what it's like to kiss someone else for a change. this is the care-free stage. this is the stage you will eventually return to after stage 3 and 4.

3. I call this the "oh my gosh I can't believe I made out with someone other than (insert your ex's name here)"stage. this is scary. this is when you realize this is your life, it's not all fun and games, your ex will probably find out and there will be no chance of reconciliation. you reached the point of no return, and it's a scary place to be.

4. The ex knows and even worse, the ex is doing the same thing. This is the "I can't believe he is doing this too" stage. It is worse than steps 1, 2, or 3. It's the number one hardest step to endure, yep, number one with a bullet. You naively thought the ball was in your court, you were the only one doing this and then you realize you're an idiot. and rightfully so. Smart girls dont forget their ex is going through the same cycle. I was as dumb as they came.

5. Okay, we're done crying over whoever the ex is making out with tonight and we're ready to return to stage 2, only this time, no guilt follows. This is the last stage before entering another relationship. I'm still here and I can honestly say this is as fun as it gets, ladies. Enjoy it.


She listened patiently, then I think it hit her that she's really single. She said, "i'm back at the beginning" and of course, being the great friends we are, Whitney and I welcomed her back to Square One.