Breaking up is hard to do...

Letting go, harder.

My last breakup was far from cut and dry. It was happened over a year ago and only now do I feel like the relationship is truly over. Here's how my 3 1/2 year relationship gradually, in a few very long drawn out steps came to an end on Saturday:

1. The "let's take a break" talk. We all know this is bad, but we still all fall for it. In my case, it really was kind of a break. We were leaving Athens for the summer anyway, why not "take a break." I mean we had been fighting non-stop for the past few months. We talked a lot that summer, sent postcards, emails, etc. It was like having a relationship with no boundaries. I thought it would be a good time to date around too. But, my biggest mistake was thinking that once we came back to school we would get back together.

2. The "let's break up for real" talk. Okay, so we came back to school and most of you know it didn't go as I had planned. Well, he called me to go to dinner. I had planned that. We had a good time at dinner catching up. Planned that too. On the way home from dinner he said we should be over for good right now. He needed to do what "single" people do. Didn't plan that one. I, in typical girl fashion, got upset maybe even told him I hated him (which I didn't and don't). I stayed in bed for a week, realized my friends truly were angels sent from God, and then dusted my shoulders off and started moving on. Well, sort of moving on. I mean I liked other guys, I went out on a few dates, I partied like never before, made even more friendships, and enjoyed my life. However, it was always in the back of my mind that he couldn't tell me it was over "forever." I begged him to tell me that, I knew if he didn't that I'd hang on for as long as it took. But, he never would. All he would say was that yes he did love me, but he didn't know if we were supposed to be together, at the same time he didn't know if we weren't supposed to be together. Every encounter last year between us was awkward and often ended in tears. Usually just me crying, but a few times I saw him tear up too. Whenever I wouldn't see him for a while and I had quit thinking about him all the time, something would happen. Either a friend would run into him and he'd tell her to tell me he missed me, or he would end up coming to one of my friend's party unexpected, etc. We ended up kissing a few times at the end of the year and I thought it was finally going to happen: The 'get back together' part. Obviously since I'm writing this, you know it didn't. So, finally...

3. The "letting go" talk. I made him tell him what he should have, but probably couldn't have, told me all along. That we should say goodbye for real. I cried, he cried, and we said bye. Then, something amazing happened. I woke up the next day and for the first time in years I realized he is not the guy for me. We broke up for a reason, and I had failed to remember that reason over the past year. The reason being we aren't supposed to be together. It took my mom saying it for me to truly believe it. She said he's a good guy, but he's not right for me and it's time to move on. Thank God I finally believe her.

Notice how number 2, the in between, is the most drawn out and unnecessary part of the entire thing. Take close note of that.