concerts are the best...

What could be better than On the Border, Boy calling to say he's coming this weekend, Gwen Stefani and Black Eyed Peas in one night? According to me, not a lot. Ashlee, Sam, Erin and I left athens around 5 and headed to Gwinnett for the concert. We stopped at On The Border, which you all probably know by now is my absolute favorite restaurant. We decided that since there wasn't going to be enough time to tailgate, we need to pick a place to eat with good drinks, i.e. top shelf tequila Borderitas. During dinner I got a phone call from a random number. I didn't answer it, but it was boy and he left a message. I called him back and he said he's coming this weekend and "I'll probably just come drop my stuff off at your apartment, so if you're going to be in class when I get to town, you need to make some arrangements to leave the door unlocked." Of course I laughed hysterically (as he was totally kidding), and told him which room was mine. I had to let him go though because we needed to listen to some gwen and bep to get pumped for the concert and me being on the phone was interfering with this. We finally got to the concert and all needed to pee so bad, but what do you when you walk into the arena and hear black eyed peas singing 'don't phunk with my heart'? You hold it. Finally, a song we could live without hearing, so Erin and I went to the bathroom during 'where is the love' Black Eyed Peas opened for Gwen Stefani so they only played 5 or 6 songs and we were really sad to see them leave. They have great stage presence and if you can go see them, I would recommend it. They will be headlining a tour for the first time ever in 2006. Erin and I decided that they must have signed on to open for gwen a long time ago before they knew how big they were going to be. They are freakin' huge. Easily more popular than her, there should be no room in their schedule for being an opening act. They, of course, ended with my humps and then began the hour long intermission. When people are forced to sit and wait for a long time they resort to doing crazy things, like the wave, text messaging the big screens in the arena, or buying those nasty nachos with cheese. Finally gwen came on and opened with 'Harajuku Girls' I dont know much about the harajuku girls, but they are mentioned in every song and there were 4 of them who never left the stage. She loves them. She's also crazy. She announced to everyone " I want to thank you Atlanta! Before i came out here I was the biggest whore. The biggest bitch ass slut in the room. " Everyone was kind of scratching their head and going huh? But, then she played 'Crash' and the crowd forgave her. If you've never heard it, download it (illegally). It's one of her best songs and maybe the highlight of my night. At least it was my favorite song until the encore. Of course she, like so many others, did the faux exit before playing her biggest song. I wasn't fooled. Not even when the lights came on. Please, gwen, like you're not going to play 'Holla Back Girl' I sat and waited patiently for one of my favorite songs, then i heard it... 'uh huh, this my shit...'

minor obsession is manifesting its way into my dreams...

I've always loved fun scented things. As a young girl, I probably kept the lip smackers empire thriving by my purchases alone. I remember every stocking stuffer, Easter basket, or cheap birthday present to me always included some lip gloss. Everyone knew I loved it. I preferred strawberry, liked watermelon and would settle for the strawberry-watermelon combination if I had to. Give me strawberry banana and you are not invited to my next birthday party. You obviously didn't know me that well anyway. During high school I realized something even better than fun flavored gloss: bubblicious gum. Since I was getting a little old to bust out my lip smackers in the middle of Trig, I relied on bubblicious. To this day I still always have a pack. I still get the occasional "I haven't chewed that gum since I was like 10" comment, but it's usually followed by a "so, do you have any more? question. Sure it loses its flavor fast, but never its scent. It smells good for hours on end. I've attracted many boys with its odor alone. Travis Starr used to call me Bubblicious, a boy I used to kiss last year told me"it's amazing that you always smell like strawberries," and one time at a social a guy came up to me and said "whatever you're chewing...it's definitely working for you." I love things that smelled good.

In my sophomore year of college, also known as the year Jessica Simpson moved from C list to A list, I discovered something even better than bubblicious: Dessert lip gloss. This was Jessica Simpsons new line of cosmetics (for lack of a better word). I would have never purchased the item myself, but Al would. She's obsessed with Jessica Simpson. She stocked up on the edible body glitter, fun-tasting bronzer, and of course the gloss. She let me sample the gloss and I was converted. It is the best smelling and best tasting lip gloss I've ever had. It's so good I don't even mind paying 25 dollars for a thin tube of it. Anyway, I've been out of it for a while (people make fun of how fast I go through a tube and it really sucks because I can't buy it in Athens), so yesterday in Atlanta I walked my excited self down to Sephora and grabbed me another tube. It was the only purchase I made yesterday, and without it I would have considered the day a wasted trip to Atlanta. But, my Dessert gloss in Luscious turned the day into a success. I am obsessed with it. I didn't think that was pathetic until I woke up this morning and remembered a dream I had last night. I dreamed I let my roommate try out the lip gloss and she said it tasted bad. I got so mad and we got in a fight. I swear this morning I woke up mad at her and I didn't remember why. Maybe the gloss is more than a minor obsession...

I used to feel sorry for them. I used to thank the Lord I wasn't one of them. I used to be so much better than that. Not anymore. I'm officially an " OMG, I can't believe he hasn't called" girl. Now I know why I used to be thankful I wasn't a part of this. It's awful. Everytime your phone rings (that is if it's not playing "Oh" by Ciara and Luda because this is the ringtone you have stored for your close girlfriends) you run to look and a see who it is. When it's not him, a wave of disappointment falls over you and you reluctantly answer the phone and pretend you're excited to hear from the person on the other end. This whole thing is even worse than i thought. And! it's affecting me more than I thought. For one: I sit around and let a phonecall occupy my thoughts. What is that??? I don't even like the damn phone. Secondly, It is making me disappointed to hear from some of the most fabulous people in the world. For instance, I have this amazing aunt. She doesn't believe in artificial air, she doesn't shave, and on occasion she will send me brownies and ravioli. I love talking to her. She called yesterday and since it wasn't boy I felt overwhelmed with disappointment. DISAPPOINTMENT. Rec (i before e, except after c) eiving a phonecall from one of the most entertaining people I know should not fill me with disappointment. Dumb boy. It's all his fault. I rue the day i met him. Last, i can't trust myself with my phone when i'm drinking. It's worse than a loaded gun. I have a pride thing. Yes, i know it's a sin...my mother has warned me of this on several occasions, but i can't kick it. So, the next morning when i see that i have drunk dialed said boy, it KILLS me. Seriously, I hate it. I erased every trace of his number. My text messages from him, my missed calls, my rec (i before e, except after c) eived calls, and those damn dialed calls. However, i'm still quite sharp when drinking and last night i listened to some messages he had left me and took the operator up on her " call this person back" option. He answered and then I think it hit me that i had just called him (who hadn't called me in 2 days), so i hung up. I woke up this morning and had a missed call from him at 3. Completely unacceptable. Dumb boy. So, this morning at 9:47 a.m. i erased some of the cutest messages i've ever had from a boy.

elementaries are not safe

So i was doing my usual tutoring session with Dareon, my precious little 5 year old friend. It was getting intense when we started trying to trace the letters of his name and he asked me to help him, which meant hold the pencil with him. I obliged and stood behind him to guide him. Since we do our studying in the halls at the elementary there are always kids and teachers walking by. I notice that a big group of students are making their way down the hall, presumably to go out the nearby exit to the playground for recess. I pay them no attention, I'm confident i'm hanging out with the coolest kid in the school and none of the others are a distraction because of this. However, I soon here a whistling. I ignore it until I feel this 9 year old (10 on a good day) standing behind me continuing to whistle. I turn around to see him looking me up and down. Umm...can i help you? Aren't you supposed to be on the monkey bars or something, little punk? He turns to his friend, right before running out the door, and says " i'd do that all day long...damn"

Hence the title. Elementaries are not safe. At least not in Clarke County.