dreams that make me go hhmmm....

It's offical, i have the strangest dreams of anyone I know. I always wake up and think what on earth happened to me to make me dream that. They're so weird that even years later I can still vividly recall hundreds of them. I dont get into all that interpreting your dreams jazz, but I do think that my subconscious is hard at work at night. Like the time I contemplated looking at an old copy of a chemistry test in 11th grade. I always studied, never cheated, and usually did pretty well. But it started driving me crazy when people who never tried would get a grade as good as mine or better because they had old tests. So, before one of the last tests I was invited to come to the "study group." The night before the study group I dreamed that I killed my chemistry teacher and I felt so guilty that I wanted to kill myself. Dramatic, I know. But, needless to say i didn't look at any copy of any test. I also have an intense fear of snakes that I didn't discover until a few years ago. If i saw a snake on t.v. for even a split second, I would have a nightmare about snakes. I was either covered in them, trapped in a room with them, or worse this one time i was in the middle of a clear lake and I could see the snakes swimming toward me from the bottom of the lake. I now refuse to get in the lake unless i'm on a float...even then though I'm unbelievably uncomfortable. Anyway, last night, I had the saddest dream ever. Since this is a public blog, I can't give a lot of details, but what I will say is that something I have hoped would happen for a while now happened in my dream and then halfway through my dream I realized I was dreaming and was so scared to wake up. I kept asking the people around me if they thought this was a dream and that tomorrow I'll realize it never happened, and none of them had the answer, all they could do was sit around with me and be sad and pray that everyone would remember what happened. Of course, it was a dream and when I woke up I discovered that not only are dreams a bitch, but i had a newfound envy of those fortunate souls out there who say" i dont think i dream...i never remember them if i do." But, i think i was supposed to learn something from my dream last night. I dont know what it is, but I'm leaning toward learning to accept that some things are just dreams that you eventually have to one day wake up from.

Every monday, wednesday and friday i babysit from 1-6. I know this doesn't seem like it's even worth mentioning to 9 to 5ers out there, but I'm on the verge of dying from boredom. It's the same routine every day. I come in, Mary
tells me that William has just had a bottle and will be ready for a nap soon, Jackson will be ready for quiet time around 2, and he can have a snack if he asks for it (which he always does--cheerios usually). I nod, she smiles, tells me to call her "if anything happens," and she's on her way. Since the kids aren't allowed to go outside, our activities are limited. Jackson immediately
tells me to ignore William, who is 10 months old, and come play trains with him. I tell him I can't, but i will in a second when I put William to sleep. We play trains for a while , then i throw the 3 year old in his room to stay for a couple of hours. Then I'm left ....for a minimum of 2 hours with absolutely nothing to do. first, i get on my phone, but i'm not really a fan of chatting on the phone, so I always regret that I called anyone in the first place. Usually I have a book, but for the past couple of weeks I've come empty handed, so i flip to the movie channels. I most likely find Risky Business (and unless Tom is jamming out to Seger, i keep flipping), A League of Their Own, Bad Boys 2, or some love story like Cold Mountain. MTV is always playing True Life, a show I despise, and since True Hollywood Story doesn't come on until 3ish, I get up from the couch and come to the computer. I facebook it, look at clothes, read blogs, email my friends abroad or in NYC, or surf the net for graduate schools. They wake up around 4 and we watch cartoons for 2 hours. I hear the alarm sound and my day is over.

I think i've made it clear that it's boring, but don't be fooled into think it's boring but easy. The hard part is staying awake. It isn't uncommon that I set an alarm on my phone just in case I were to accidentally fall asleep on the job. There have been days where i literally faught falling asleep for a good hour. You would think staying awake would be easy with a 3 year old and 10 month old. but it's not. These kids are too well behaved. Sometimes i want them to scream or cry or fight, just so my head will stop falling on my chest. They never do though. Sometimes, if I'm lucky, Jackson will get mad and scream if I refuse to play trains. But that only happens like once every two weeks. The closest I came to excitement today was when I asked Jackson if he wanted his usual snack of Cheerios and he said , "no, animal crackers." Gasp.

Another occupational hazard is trying to escape the echoes of children's songs post-babysitting. Dora the Explorer, The BackYardigans, Ozwald, you name it, I can sing it. I think I hum the tune of "64, 64, 64 zoo lane..." for at least an hour after I leave. The only time i can escape this problem is when i get in my car and holla back girl is playing. You know what i mean.

I feel like i might not be being completely fair, I'm sure that having a monotonous babysitting job should be the least of my worries, and it is. I appreciate that I have some form of income, and I do love the kids. It's just, like i said before, boring. And I can either sit and think about how bored I am, or write about it.

p.s. I dont want any messages from Jennifer Brown telling me (sarcastically) how hard my life is. ha ha.

i finally did it!

Never before in the entire history of my experience with the blog have i been so compelled to write. I finally did it. I threw on a sports bra, my tennis shoes and my walkman and went (solo!) for a 25 minute walk/5 minute run. For those of you who know me well, that is if you haven't fainted and are still reading, you know this is serious news. I am so proud of myself, I can barely stop smiling. I imagine this is what people feel like when they reach the top of Mount Everest or something, as this is about as big a feat for me as that would be for a mountain climber. Seriously. I can count on both hands the amount of times i've exercised in my entire life, and the amount of times i've gone by myself has reached an alltime high of one.

There were times when i thought i wasn't going to make it. One really low point in the trip was when i realized that for the past 10 minutes i had breezed down a record-breaking hill. A hill i would soon have to walk up. I almost sat down to take a break, then I talked myself out of it. Another time when I thought God was going a little far with testing my patience was when so icy came on. I was going on my 15th consecutive minute of imagining how good my ice cold water would taste when i got home, then a song about ice. I thought i'd die. But all it took was one look at myself then a moment of reflection upon how i looked this time last summer, and I was back on the road again.

I was actually so out of shape that by the time i reached my apartment my fingers were so swollen it hurt to make a fist (i'm sure this has to do with being hydrated or something--but still goes along with the theme of how i dont take care of myself), my head was soaked, my breathing (i imagine) sounded much like a woman in her 36th hour of labor, and my legs were so weak i tripped about ten times from the entrance of towneclub to the entrance of my apartment.

However, in spite of all this, I am still very proud of myself and I will (if i'm able to walk) go again tomorrow. Maybe I'll get so good at this walking thing that I will be one of those people who actually likes working out. Or maybe! this whole workout madness will get so out of hand that I'll be forced to get a mini ipod. Or what if, just what if, I can get so in shape I can run on Milledge with nothing but a sports bra and some soffe shorts. I'm only kidding, surely working out wont turn me into a Milledge whore. But, on a serious note, maybe if i'm really lucky i'll be able to last for 40 minutes tomorrow.

facebook do's and don'ts updated 7.14.05

Sometimes I wonder what i did before the facebook was in my life. I mean I was still on the computer all the time, but I dont remember what i was doing. Probably reading Dawson's Creek "lines to remember" or trying to find the music from Felicity episodes. I know i sound like a huge loser, and I guess I sort of am, but since I've been home I've been facebooking like crazy. The first thing i do is see if i have any friend invites, group invitations or even better a possible party invitation, a new low for even the facebook--asking people to rsvp to your keg via the internet (i've sadly organized 2 of these cyber parties). anyway, then i get to looking at my wall, and then i read other people's walls who are usually funny, then of course i like to add inside jokes on people's walls so other people can read them and wonder what i'm talking about. Really, that's the point of the facebook wall, isn't it? If you really wanted, you could just send that person a private message saying killer party this weekend, that was so funny when you took your shirt off and danced on the table...but instead we, me included, like to write it on the ever so public "wall."


I was once explaining the concept of the facebook to ashlee's boyfriend, Chad, and all he could say was, "the facebook is the dumbest thing i've ever heard of. You get on, you ask people to be your friend, you can read about them, and that's it. You can't even talk to people on it." I told him you can write on walls and he said oh okay you graffiti ass. I thought he was really funny for saying that, and i guess he thought i was really funny for seeing that as a facebook perk.


What's even funnier is that some of my friends and I see the wall as a sort of indication of what kind of person the wall bearer is. For example, mot and i have sat around countless times and taken a moment of silence for those people who don't have anything written on their wall. Last week we got so sad for this one guy...he had like 2 postings and he'd been a member for 6 months. We responded with a simultaneous, "awww...."


Then there are those people who erase their wall, like Chris Long used to do until i told him it's the opposite of cool. Still, some people insist on erasing it...and even though i told chris it wasn't cool (which was only b/c i was one of the ones whose posting got erased), I actually think this type of facebooker is the epitome of cool. He doesn't need 50 entries on his wall to feel popular, he'd actually rather keep his inside jokes between him and his friends. I admire him, really.

Then there are the boyfriend/girlfriend walls. My friends and I decided these are the worst. There is really only one rule to follow when decorating your lover's wall: Don't write anything on your boyfriend or girlfriend's wall unless it's funny (really, you shouldn't write anything on anyone's wall unless it's funny...or Happy Birthday, those are sweet). Like Amber and Josh, they write cute funny things. That's great, love em...learn from em. Never, under any circumstances, should you write anything like lover, our love is the kind of love that people everywhere would love to have. i love you. love, the love of your life. No, none of this please. I mean , next week we could find your relationship status reading: single, looking for random play. It's cool that you're in love, and the hopeless romantic in me actually finds it cute when your profile says "in a relationship with ...." But that's about as far as the facebook coupling needs to go. I think having a picture up of the two of you is even a little dramatic...but i'll let it slide by telling myself it's just to keep the Brian Ellis' (i know half of the girls on facebook have been stalked by this kid), random pokes and strange friend invites to a minimum. Just, please, keep the sappy stuff between you two.

Some more facebook do's and dont's (that we've probably all broken, but should try not to):
Don't put a picture up that looks nothing like you (you can only get so far with this...)
Don't join those "25 hottest girls/guys at UGA" groups (even if you're invited...which I know is so tempting, but noone knows if you got invited or not and most people are going to assume you joined by choice)
Don't write a message on someone's wall to the person who wrote the message above you (for example: Whitney's Wall--Me: Whitney, you downloaded this perverted Cast Iron Filter song on my computer about a 30 year old wanting this 15 year old, come erase it/ Mot (to me, on whit's wall): you're just mad b/c you don't know Cast Iron like we do)
Don't accept the party invitations if you know you're not coming...these people might be planning kegs around you. If it's to spare the feelings of the inviter, you can put "maybe."
After you've poked, then been poked back, don't poke again (unless it's a war, like i had with sean...and won, by the way)
Don't write on your own wall...but feel free to edit.
Don't put up a picture of you in your wedding dress.
Don't reject joining one of my groups (this means you: Mot and Brett.)
Don't say the notebook is your favorite book when you've only seen the movie...
and Don't fill out the "favorite book" section if the notebook is the only book you've ever read.
Do check out people's websites...webshots are fun to stalk and blogs are fun to read.
Do wait at least a couple of weeks before running to facebook to report that you're in a relationship...this can come back and bite you in the ass real quick...
Do feel free to change your picture frequently
You can post your class schedule, but most people wont look.
Do send a Happy Birthday message or posting to someone...they know you signed on and saw it was their birthday like 10 times that day.
Do put up funny quotes that your friends said (to this day, Emily can't go to aparty without hearing "i'll never need a big suburban....")
Do start funny groups (if you're a bird i'm a bird, uga colors aren't pink..., etc.)
Do (only if you're a girl) feel free to poke a cute stranger ( this is sexist, but guys can get over it)



i'll be adding more later...this was fun.

jesse's girl

I was watching TRL Monday and I noticed something funny (even funnier than me watching TRL). When Jesse MCartney was giving his live performance of his new song, "She's No You," it dawned on me that all two of the songs I know by him have a recurring theme. In "Beautiful Soul" he sings the lyrics: "I dont want another pretty face/ I dont want just anyone to hold/I dont want my love to go to waste/ I want you and your beautiful soul." Now, at first I thought how sweet of him. He's able to look past outward appearance, and instead find someone with great inner beauty. That's certainly praise-worthy. However, his song "She's No You" changed my perspective on the situation. In this song he sings, "She’s no you/Oh No you give me more than I could ever want/She’s no you, girl I’m satisfied with the one I got/...She's only a picture in a magazine/...She might be a supermodel, but she'll never take my heart away."

Immediately I laughed and remembered a conversation I had with a friend a few months ago:
Emily: I mean, he has a really good personality.
Me: Oh, well I've never seen him...is he cute?
Emily: He is really nice.
Me: What does he look like?
Emily: And he's funny.

While I may sound superficial in the above conversation (i'm not, i've been quoted many times saying If a guy doesn't make me laugh, i dont care what he looks like), the truth is that a lot of people ( this might look better than "everyone" on the record) want to hear about a person's appearance. And when that question is asked (or any question about a person for that matter) and the immediate response is about personality, one can only think the appearance is at the lower end of the list.

So, I dont want anyone to misunderstand me, I actually think it's more important to have someone who can make you smile, who understands you, who cares deeply for you, who will help you...you know the saying, "looks fade with age..." I just find it funny when people avoid the appearance question with response about personality. I mean why not say he's not that cute, but he's hilarious. or he's not the hottest thing, but he's really smart.... This rarely happens, and until it does i will always laugh when i hear "he's really sweet..." after i asked how tall he is.

So, back to Jesse. It's great that the kid is into personality, but after hearing his first two singles i can only believe one thing: his girlfriend may be a saint, but she isn't much of a looker.

I'm going back to D.C. in July because...
1. Jennifer and Emily live there
2. It was fun learning new phrases like "smoke pole."
3. I never knew how much fun it can be to grill out on the george foreman...extension cord-style.
4. I loved the world war 2 memorial, and since ashlee's never seen it we'll have to go again.
5. hanging out at the waterfront was fabulous.

6. boys love to buy you drinks (or at least offer).
7. i hope to find the cab driver i made best friends with.
8. the little burger that was a big burger i got at five guys.
9. emily calls her dog an asshole and ignores him all day if he pees on the floor.
10. i have faith that we can get jennifer drunk again (but the phone is off limits...no blank texts, and more importantly no "kinda weird" texts)
11. all it takes is good music, a good friend, and anything that will double as a microphone and the drive is not bad at all.
12. i got to keep my phone on silent all weekend.
13. i learned the importance of being in good company since the girls didn't have cable or internet.
14. i liked going to bars where you can sit and drink.... 4 bottles of wine between three of you, if you wish.
15. i loved emily and jennifer's friends (chris hardy taught me some new phrases, doug amused me with his thumbs down take on a certain conversation, jackie made me laugh when she talked about cuddling post-hook up, and steve's impersonation of a girl i've never even met made me laugh everytime).
16. even though i hate to admit it, i enjoyed walking everywhere.
17. i loved georgetown.
18. i learned that i like sushi. (check.)
19. it's the only place i've ever been shopping where the sale's clerk discourages you from buying a top (um..it looks oily to me).
20. the only traffic I saw was always on the opposite side of the interstate (which was not unlike my experience with rain. If it's raining, it always stops when i go out. I swear. Christian Cotter likes to call this "the world revolves around megan" theory, and i never agreed. I told him, "not the world, christian. just the weather." but since my experience with the traffic, i'm not so sure it stops at rain).